NOTE: Someone very dear to me asked me to put this here, and I agreed, so here it is: if you need a trigger warning, then just know that this site, the workbooks, my demeanor, my language, the rawness and depth of emotional exploration is a living, breathing and malleable "trigger warning."


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My hope is that most of you coming here have never had to live through the death of an infant child, or any child for that matter, and I bring this up here, right now, because it’s important that you understand something; your pain doesn't need a resume. Your pain, and your life, doesn't need to match what you're about to read.


This isn’t some kind of “who’s life is shittier,” or whether or not you feel that you’ve “suffered” enough to be here, to read what Sharon and I share and what we did, and do, to live the life that we’ve come to love.


Your life doesn't need to be dramatic enough, or bad enough, or visible enough to anyone except you.


Yourself. 


The only thing that we ask you to think about, selfishly so, is whether or not you want to be happy, and feel whole, and loved and adored and cherished, and all of other things that far too many of us either don’t feel, or don’t have it consistently enough to believe that life can truly be a joy.


The only thing that needs to “qualify” you for any of this is that something, somewhere, isn't working for you. 


And you know it. 


That's enough.


So this kid, in the yellow and white, carried around a shit-ton of secrets and pain, and in the seventh grade, he ends up being the fuck-toy of the nineteen year old male neighbor. 


This is also the kid that grew up with parents who had ideas about discipline that were, in fact, abusive physically, psychologically and emotionally.


This kind of shit really fucked him up.


He just didn't know, at the time, while it was all happening, how badly that really was.



But he'd figure it out.


In ways that he never could have anticipated.

So the kid that felt he'd been fucked over by damn near anyone that had ever uttered the words "I love you," decided to join the Army. 


He joined because he wanted a family and place where he thought he would finally fit in and be seen as someone valuable. 


He wanted to be somewhere where he felt he mattered.


But you can't outrun your self-concept.



Ever.

So he goes to Combat Medic School because he wants to help other people and he figured that being a medic was a great way to aid and assist others. 


The two people sitting next to him? Yeah, those would be the parents. The people that had made his whole fucking childhood a world of pain and darkness. And yet, there the "kid" was, in a man's body, still trying to get the approval of the very people that he once thought must have hated him because of the way they'd treated him all of his life.


And on November 2, 1994, the "kid" said "fuck it."


Still in the Army, and stationed at Fort Bragg, NC, he tried to take his own life.


And damn-near succeeded.


He just didn't think that he could have lived another moment being the person that he hated.


Himself.

See the grey-bearded dude in these two pics? Yeah, the one with the hottie? That's the "kid."


He lived through his own suicide attempt, the death of his infant son in 1999, a shit of ton of DUI's, a host of "bad" choices, homelessness with his wife, his beloved wife's two simultaneous cancers….


And there he is, the "kid", the author of all that you're about to experience in these workbooks.


Why?


So you can see for yourself how a dude that absolutely hated who he thought he was, who believed himself to be a piece of shit, got to a place in life where not only did he come to like himself, but to love who he is, and is growing into the awareness of more of himself every single day.


And that he's finally found the one with whom he knows is the love of his lifetime.


Himself.


And now, he has a partner with whom to share it all.


So, where do you want to go?


Who do you want to be?


Who are you?


These workbooks are the very real living process that I, and Sharon as well, used, and still use, to feel our way through and in the life that we finally love.

This homepage is a filter.


That’s intentional.


It’s designed to make some of you uncomfortable enough to leave, and to make others of you feel like you’ve finally found the right room.


Both outcomes are correct.


despite what you might be thinking, this is not a dating site.


It’s not even a site for showing you how to get the love of your lifetime—at least not in the ways that you’re likely thinking about now or have thought about in the past.


Ultimately, and this is the part that will help you decide whether you want to go any further here at this site:


this site, and all of the workbooks and workshops are all about the belief that if you don’t love yourself, you can forget about finding it “out there.”


You must become the love of your lifetime for yourself, just as you are, for you are the only one that is always with you, and if you don’t or can’t love yourself, just as you are, right now, you simply cannot give what you do not possess.


You must be the love of your lifetime.


Think on that for a moment. 


And if there is nothing else that I have learned, is that when it comes to love, you can’t even receive it from another because, and here it is; you don’t really know what it is, and as a result, even when it arrives, if it arrives, you will most likely mess it up, fuck it up, trounce on it or, in so many ways, completely miss it altogether.


If you don’t agree with this assessment, I completely understand and with that, there’s likely nothing else here for you because everything here is built on that understanding.


You have to love yourself.


This is all about the journey that I began, and then, with the union that is my marriage and life with Sharon, we two share with you how we got here, how we nurture it, the love, one another and the relationship that celebrates us both.


That’s it.


Sharon and I both started, initially uncomfortably and unconsciously with a very simple, but seemingly complex set of questions.


As we both had to do, ask yourself, and answer honestly, what are you looking for, and what are you expecting to have happen if you do find “it?”
 
This site is not designed to be rushed or skimmed. If that’s what you need, you’re in the wrong place.


I cannot make this site and the workbooks appeal to all people. 


Some of you won’t stop scrolling long enough to take a breath, let alone read this homepage or fully engage with what Sharon and I created.


So you’ve stopped long enough to decide whether or not this is for you.


If not, we wish you the best.


If you’re still here, then read on and truly consider what’s shared.
 
That’s it in a nutshell.


We aren't "life coaches" with a certification from a weekend seminar. We are two people who have been through shit. From My suicide attempt in 1994 while I was in the army, to Sharon's two simultaneous cancers (stage 3 cervical and thyroid cancers at the same damn time) and other health challenges, childhood trauma, and just a bunch Of other shit that I'm not going to "list" right here, but through it all, we came out the other side still standing—together.


We wrote these workbooks because we wanted something that spoke to us in ways that didn't revolve around "mystical" language, methods that required a belief in things "out there" and more, we just wanted plain-ass talk that didn't generally insult our intelligence.


That's what this is.


But the deeper truth is, Some of you have no idea who Sharon and I are, let alone what we do. Some of you won’t give a shit, or don’t give a shit, and just want to get on with it and see if what we offer is worth your time and energy. 


SO there's no real reason to trust a damn thing that we say or share.


Still others of you just want tangible “proof.”


That’s fine.


That’s life.


But here it is.


Look, Sharon and I are not here to 'fix' you, and we're sure as shit not here to 'save' you. so If you’re looking for gurus to hand you a magic pill that makes the pain stop, or the relationship better, then you’re in the wrong place.


We don't have that.


What we have is a process that we used to stop our own emotional houses from burning down to the ground when shit went sideways. we share with you what we went through, how we got through it, how we nurture ourselves and one another on a day-to-day basis in such a way as to spend more time happy than feeling fucked-up.
 
That’s life.
 
but if you’re in a “hurry” to get away from something (whatever it might be) or get to something quick and fast, yeah, sorry, that’s not likely going to happen here.


One of the fucking problems with fear, desperation and panic is how easily it can start to feel urgency or intensity. Not to say that it’s not sometimes “intense,” but for some us, when we’re in those moments, we go into our “fix it now” mode and then stop seeing what’s actually behind the hurry in the first place.


Being in a “hurry” is a part of the problem. 


When we’re in a hurry, we all miss important shit and find ourselves having to go back and do things, all over again anyway.


you likely know the loop.


And this is the part that really fucked with my head in ways that I didn’t expect, and more, once I felt it, I didn’t think I was prepared to accept it. What Sharon and I started to notice in the middle of it all.


We don’t always see it while we’re in the middle of the shit we’re dealing with.


there are times when we simply must slow the fuck down.


literally.


Sharon and I built this to follow a specific progression. If you’re going to do this, start here. This is where it begins.


why the progression?

First was Sharon’s cancer diagnoses (Stage 3 Cervical and Thyroid cancers—at the same fucking time), then came the biopsies, then more in depth planning, then the chemo and radiation, the ten surgeries (as the husband, these appointments and surgeries all seemed to blur into one long, painful series of "I feel helpless," but that's truth. That's loving and living).


That’s order. That’s not random.


That’s what life demanded.


so for this work, The first step is "The Mist We Know. The Mist Unnamed."


You’re going to be asked to slow down and sit with the discomfort you’ve been outrunning. Not to fix it. Not to reframe it positively. Just to look at it directly, probably for the first time without a system or a guru telling you what the hell it means.


You’re going to be asked honest questions about yourself that you’ve likely been either too busy or too scared to ask and answer. And the questions won’t have a “right” answer baked in, which will be both a relief and unsettling.


At times, like I did while I was creating and working on this with Sharon, you may feel seen in a way that’s slightly uncomfortable — because the writing doesn’t flatter you. It doesn’t make nice in the way that some of us have grown accustomed to. What we share here is meant to respect you instead, which is rarer and harder to receive.


It’s not something that we’re very used to.


And you’re likely going to encounter the central proposition — that the love you’re looking for starts with yourself — not as a bumper sticker, but as something that shows up directly on the pages and in your own awareness.


What you won’t experience here is someone holding your hand or telling you that “you’re doing great.”


There’s no gold star at the end of the workbooks.


Just a clearer view of where you actually are.


With you.


[get the workbook](and no, don’t need an email)



If that resonates with you, cool, keep going.


If not, no harm, no foul, you can get on with your life.


By the way—this applies to all of our work. If you want to see the samples, you just download them. No name, no email, no bullshit.