I was a fucking piece of shit.

I knew it. I believed it. I lived it. 

I tried to die from it.

Now, I'm free. 

And I'm loved. Yes. 

Loved.

Everything here on this site, in the workbooks and all that we do here is for the ones who are done pretending that their own feelings of brokenness is the truth. 

We are not broken.

Fuck that.

But know this: if you want easy affirmations and gentle hand-holding, you're in the wrong place. Real change costs you. Financially, mentally, emotionally. It’s ugly. It’s painful. It may make you cry.

It is not, “easy”—at least not in the ways that so many others promise you it is.

What’s the “it”?

“It” is being radically honest with yourself.

If you're still reading, you're likely exactly who this is for.

THE MIRROR/"game": MY “FAILURES" ARE YOUR MAP

The critical thing that other “gurus” either don’t know or don’t want to speak about when it comes to intimate, loving relationships and having the kind of love and affection that many of us dream(ed) of, is that they are all based on your own self-concept. Period.

You can deny this. You can think that I am full of shit and that I have no idea what I’m talking about. And that’s 100% okay because I thought and felt that same way at one time.

And if you are not willing to entertain this concept, then I can promise you, there’s nothing here of value for you.

Yet.

Because you see, I believed the bullshit about validation and happiness being “out there” too; it’s what I was taught. It was told to me that this “was just the way the world works.” 

They were wrong. 

I was wrong. So very, very wrong.

Let's get another thing straight.

My parents beat the living shit out of me with belts and extension cords. They told me that shit was love. Their physical violence, the emotional and psychological structuring of my childhood worldview, and the accompanying self-concept was all built, formed and fashioned on perspectives and beliefs that were not my own. But in time, those ideas and beliefs were internalized, if for no other reason than to keep myself off of their radar and not have to suffer any more emotional or physical ass-kickings.

I cannot speak to their intent, but I finally learned and accepted, that nothing about any of that was not then, and is not now, love. It never was. But I didn’t know any better; these were the people that I looked up to for everything in my life. Every single thing.

What did the people who said they loved you, teach you love was?

Really think on that right now; what did they actually teach you?

We don't generally get taught love. We get taught performances. Obedience. Suppression. Being who others want and expect us to be. We inherit broken definitions and disjointed worldviews. And then we wonder why every connection in life feels like a living wound. And we wonder why we feel “off” or like we’re not able to feel “okay” unless we’re drinking, or fucking someone who we hope is going to make us “feel better”….

And we drag all of this shit, these beliefs about ourselves into other relationships and think that betrayal, lies, pain, disapproval, dismissal and denial are “normal”. They are not. At least not the kind of “normal” that we really, truly want to live.

The first step out of this hell is to admit you were given the wrong map. And that’s not about blaming anyone, especially yourself. Your. Self. And if you can’t or won’t accept that, consider it, or think of this deeply, then there is nothing here for you because this isn’t about convincing you of anything; this either resonates with you and makes sense, or it doesn’t. So if it doesn’t, you know what to do.

But if it does, then let’s consider, that this is all about sharing a very real journey of discovery and freedom.

What’s here is a chance to do a real-world, real-time reevaluation of and for the life you really want.