If this is your first time here at this site, this is critical for you to read and understand.
Right here and right now, you have a choice to make. Some have already made it and got no further.
You’re still reading and wondering. You will either resonate with this or you won’t. And it will be, and is, your choice.
So own it.
I'm here to be the compassionate asshole you need—the one who loves you enough to tell you the truth, even when it stings. When it absolutely sucks to hear. and feel.
There are no fucking magic tricks here. No overnight miracles, no otherworldly promises. I don’t have the secret to making your pain disappear—because no such secret exists.
Life can feel brutal, beyond confusing, and often seems too unfair to be just. but I have come to know that our experiences are not punishment—no matter how it may feel in the moment or even in our memories.
I believe that these hellish moments are the fire that forges who we become. Who we can choose to be--if we dare to allow ourselves to fully inhabit it.
And whether you know it, or believe it, or feel it, we are a very, very special group of people.
"Getting to know yourself is not an easy task. Believe it, or don’t. Your choice. But if you do move further in, know that many have quit. Many have sought easier paths."
THE RAW MATERIAL: MY “FAILURES" ARE YOUR MAP
My own life—emotional, physical and emotional abuse at the hands of my parents, sexual exploitation by the man next door...
my own suicide attempt in 1994, the death of my infant son in 1999, four marriages, four divorces, at least 4 DUIs, and years of trying to drink myself into oblivion—wasn’t a curse (even though it sure as hell felt and looked like it while I was living it), rather, though I didn’t know it then (and wouldn’t have believed it) was the raw material for everything I share here.
and this is not trauma “porn”, these are the real-world experiences that serve as the building blocks for everything here.
Something in me always knew, even when I didn’t feel it, see it or think that it really ever existed: Love is the center of it all, and you don’t have to stay stuck in the cycle of pain, shame, or half-lived relationships—but no one ever fucking showed me how to live another way.
But it is effort.
I built this for the people who are done waiting for change. The ones who are exhausted from pretending they’re fine, from settling for crumbs in love, from repeating the same patterns over and over again and expecting different results. This isn’t about fixing you—it’s about unlocking the parts of you that already know what to do but, you have been too afraid to act on.
Why didn't I know?
There are things that I used to wish that someone had told me about life, love, money and being happy.
THE FEARLESS FILTER: WHO THIS IS
NOT FOR
So if you’re here because you’re desperate for a quick fix, save yourself the time and heartache. There is none of that here.
This site is NOT for you if:
- You believe ‘manifesting’ is a substitute for hard, messy-ass, internal work.
- You’d rather blame others than look in the mirror.
- You’re here for ‘positive vibes’ instead of real, lasting change.
This site, my workbooks, my courses—hell, me for that matter—they’re not for the masses. They’re not for people who want easy answers or performative positivity. They’re for the ones who’ve stared into their own pain, ugliness, fears and doubts, and are still fucking standing. The ones who feel that unshakable knowing inside them, the thing that no words can quite capture, and yet, refuse to be ignored.
This is for us, and we know (now) who we are.
If you’re not ready to go all-in on relationships, self-concept, and why you’re not living the love and life that you truly want—fuck it, this ain’t for you. Look elsewhere.
I cannot be more direct; you are either going to do the work or you’re not, and if you’re not, there’s no point in your continuing with anything else.
But if you’re ready to stop running, and hiding, and keeping your head down, I want to play a game with you. Yes, a game. Some of you will think it’s ridiculous, and that’s fine. You do you.
Because here’s the truth: Every single day you wait is another day you spend repeating the same patterns, attracting the same people, and feeling the same emptiness.
You already know what you need to do. The question is, are you finally ready to do it?
This isn’t a “maybe someday” kind of work. It’s for people who are ready to act NOW—because the love you want, the life you crave, isn’t going to magically appear. It comes Through the hard, messy, beautiful work of facing yourself in ways that others won’t.
Who, in the actual f*ck, are we supposed to trust?
What's the
truth?
THE UNACCEPTABLE COST OF DOING NOTHING
So if you’re done with the excuses, if you’re ready to stop letting fear call the shots, this is your moment. The tools are here. The choice is yours.
What’s it going to be?
Before we go any further, ask yourself two things:
- Why are you really here?
- What’s it costing you to stay where you are?
Getting to know yourself is not an easy task. Believe it, or don’t. Your choice. But if you do move further in, know that many have quit. Many have sought easier paths.
Sit with those two questions. Go away from them if you have to, but sit with them.
really sit with them. With yourself.
And then, after you have done those two things, allow yourself to consider how you felt doing those two things. Did you like it? Were you confused? Or annoyed? Did you wonder what the point of it was?
Excellent. Why? there are no wrong answers except, doing “nothing."
What does it even mean? Truth.
Without empty promises. Bullshit. Fast-talking. Insulting my Intelligence and preying on my desperation to finally feel good about myself and the life that I was living.
PAUSE: A TEMPERATURE CHECK
How do you feel right now?
- Pissed off? (Good. You’re paying attention.)
- Defensive? (Ask yourself why.)
- Curious? (Keep going.)
I know you’re tired. I know you’ve been lied to. I know you’re afraid this won’t work. I don’t blame you.
But I also won’t let you off the hook.
And you shouldn’t either.
But again,
it’s your choice.
Why did it seem so f*cking hard?
Just to live.
To love.
To be loved.
To be, "me".
THE GAME BEGINS: WHAT IS LOVE, REALLY?
But if you’re still here, then let’s get to the game:
If I say to you right here on this website, right now, at the very beginning of our interaction and our meeting, such as it is, that “I love you,” the vast majority of you are going to think, “what the fuck is he talking about? What kind of bullshit is this? He doesn’t even know me.”
Fair enough.
But here’s my next question: Why do I have to know you to love you? What does proximity have to do with care, compassion and empathy?
Still with me?
So here’s the next part of our game: Think about the people that you do know. Think about the people in your life right now that you do know and who claim to love you, and that you yourself have told “I love you.” Think about the people that have told you multiple times that they love you, and for some of those people, you legitimately think to yourself, “yeah, fuck them, and the horse they rode in on. They’re full of shit.”
Let me give you a little background on why I say that.
My parents—the people that brought me into this world, who raised me, who I shared DNA with, actual blood with—beat me as a general principle for discipline and how to control their child. All under the guise of love.
Beat my ass, toss me about the room, extension cords, paddles and belts, and all the while, they did it and they said, because they “loved me.”
So, suffice it to say that my idea of love, what I believed love to be, was based on violence, was based on emotional manipulation, psychological warfare, and a whole bunch of other shit that I don’t need to get into right now. But my point is this: How many other people are walking around on this earth right now with definitions of love that have nothing to do with what love may actually be?
Again, this is not woo-woo shit. These are just questions. And remember, this is just a game.
This is just a game.
So keep that it in that mind, right?
Who, in the actual f*ck, are we supposed to trust?
What's the truth?
What exactly is love?
But what’s the point of this little game? What’s it all about? And here, dear reader, yes, here’s the coup de grâce. Here’s the big thing: What exactly is love?
Think on it. Define it. Say it out loud.
Still here? Hmm?
Next question: All right, you now know what love is. For you. What makes you think that the person that you’re interested in…? What makes you think that the next person you meet…? What makes you think that the person you’re in a relationship with right now has the same definition of love that you do? Who told you that shit? Who taught you what love was? Who taught them what love was?
Did you all actually sit down and have a conversation about love? Did you go point by point, precept by precept to define—individually and collectively for the both of you—what love is?
Next, did you sit down and say how you like to have love shared, expressed, and demonstrated to you, and how you share, express, and demonstrate love to another, and if that’s going to work for them? For the two of you?
No, we don’t typically have those conversations. We all just assume that everything is hunky-dory. We just assume that people have the same definitions of life, love, and liberty that we do.
And I’m here to tell you, as much as it sucks, they do not. And the reason they can’t or don’t is because they’re not supposed to.
One last thing….
New Paragraph
If your life is already as you desire it to be, then there is nothing here for you. Truly.
This is not meant to dissuade you from exploring this site, rather, this is all about truth.
And for many of us, that is not something that we are very practiced at.
We know lies.
Like the model here in this image, we have learned to play roles,
But
the cost is burying the self.
that’s not the kind of life that we deserve. That we truly desire.
if you are curious to know what it might be like to finally feel your way into the life that you desire, then stay.
If not, we wish you all the best.
What is your definition of love? What is your living and working and genuine definition of happiness, connection, unity, peace, joy and the kind of connection of you dare to dream of but don’t think that you can have? Or maybe even deserve? Or are worthy of?
End of the game.
Did you enjoy playing? Did you enjoy looking at the rules and reconsidering what you’ve been allowing and contending with in the context of your own daily, living personal game?
Life not a “game” to you? Fair enough.
But game or not, life has rules and you’ve been living by rules that one, you didn’t create. Two, because you didn’t create them, you’re truly unaware of what they are, and as a result, you have no fucking idea how to navigate within them. This is not a criticism nor is it about blame. Nah, it’s about acknowledging this truth, standing in the now and then deciding to move forward with a new understanding for your own liberation.
Or, or, or, you can keep doing shit the way you’ve been doing it and hoping that “tomorrow” will bear different results and experience, or even “better” results and that finally, finally, finally you’ll feel okay to love and be loved unconditionally.
THE INVESTMENT: CHOOSING THE WORK OVER THE EXCUSE(s)
The stuff that I have here is not free. Well, I do have one item that’s free, but for the most part, nothing here is free. What I will say though, is that if you’re paying for monthly subscriptions to whatever dating site you’re on or sitting around staring at streaming services you’re using to distract yourself from the shit you say you want to change, and yet you don’t want to invest in you, even if it’s “just one more time,” then I love you too much to hold your hand while you pick up the same broken pieces.
If that sounds confrontational or “cold” to you, then I can assure you that you are nowhere near ready to attend to the depths of personal honesty and accountability that this process requires of you.
Period.
So here’s the truth: If you can’t—or won’t—invest that much in yourself, you don’t actually want to change. And all of that is perfectly fine. But I refuse to participate in your self-deception.
"I am not “special.” There is nothing magical about what I have done. What I came to understand is that our lives are often dictated by the ideas, beliefs, and teachings of those around us. Rarely do we learn deeper truths about who we really are."
I was a man who carried the many failures of someone that didn’t believe himself worthy of being loved — with all my “baggage,” emotional instability, fears, doubts, and the ever-present desperation of not wanting to be alone.
I wanted the pain to stop, fast. I wanted to feel free within my own skin. I wanted to love and be loved for exactly who I was, without conditions.
I live it now. I am free.
You too can have this freedom.
This is not about perfection or a life free of struggle.
If you continue, know this:
Getting to know yourself is not an easy task.
Believe it, or don’t. Your choice.
But if you do move further in, know that many have quit. Many have sought easier paths.
This is not about "them."
This is all about you.
FINAL WARNING: THE LAST CHANCE EXIT RAMP
Final warning: If you’re not willing to sit with the deep discomfort of radical honesty, stop reading now. The workbooks will only frustrate you, and that’s a waste of both our energy.
If you are curious to know what it might be like to finally feel your way into the life that you desire, then stay.
If not, we wish you all the best.
THE FREE SAMPLE IS A TEST OF INTENT
So you’re still here. now get to your intent and commitment.
maybe you want a taste of what the hell I’m talking about when it comes to my products and projects.
COol.
Every single workbook that I offer has a free sample of that very same workbook. No follow-up emails, no harassment, no "check-ins to see if you have questions--none of that shit, as in, no strings. By the way, I mean that shit; unless you purchase something, I don’t email you a damn thing.
Why?
Because if you’re not interested, neither am I; I am not about to waste your time or have mine wasted.
This is for those ready to get the fuck on with it.
You do not have to purchase anything to get the Samples. you do not have to give over any information to get them.
If you find yourself quitting the free work after ten minutes, save your money; nothing here is for you. facts.
The workbooks get exponentially harder, and I will not refund money because of your commitment issues.
The full workbooks are for those people who are ready.
Whatever it is that you are looking for. That you are seeking. Be clear.
be you.
Whether it was love, or the sense that I mattered to someone, for me, and for everything that we share we here, it all came down to finally sitting with self in a whole new way and allowing myself to truly start paying attention to me. Deciding, finally, what I wanted for myself that wasn't defined by others. That was forced upon me. That wasn't an expectation to be someone other than the person I was.
Or wanted to be.
That's what this is all about.
You.
THE ONLY PROMISE I MAKE: FREEDOM
If you’ve read this far, you’re either:
- A masochist (welcome, sibling).
- Desperate (I’ve been there).
- Or ready (let’s go).
I was a man who carried the many “failures" of someone that didn’t believe himself worthy of being loved...
I live the love now. I am free. That is the only promise I make here. This work will help you break free from cycles of pain and finally live and love as your authentic self.
This is not about perfection or a life free of struggle.
If you continue, know this:
Getting to know yourself is not an easy task.
CHOOSE THE WORKBOOK THAT FINALLY ENDS YOUR CYCLE.
SINGLE/DATING
This isn’t about waiting for someone else to show up—it’s about you showing up for yourself in your own, organic, genuine way.
No white horses or damsels in distress; this is all about you and how you have been relating to dating.
You're here because you know the pain you've been living: that singleness is a temporary state, a personal failing, or a quiet surrender to less than you deserve. Stop pretending the ache and hurt of loneliness is normal and something that you have to accept.
The truth is, the gap in your life isn't a missing person; it's that internal space where the real, unedited you should be—in your beliefs and your thinking.
And this isn’t about fucking blame; there’s nothing to “blame”, especially not yourself.
My workbooks are here to help you uncover that space. No fluff or romantic bullshit, instead, you can decide tear down the excuses—on your own terms—the fears that keep you hiding, the habits that push good things away, and the worthiness issues that make you settle for crumbs.
The work starts now.
Ask yourself, deep down, with brutal honesty:
WOULD I DATE ME?
If the answer isn’t a roaring, unapologetic, HELL YES, then you are exactly where you need to be.
Time to get started.
relationship/partnered
Is your relationship a shared space of peace or a holding cell of confusion and discord?
Or worse, is it just, “there”? Where nothing really ever changes and the excitement and joy of being together took a vacation and simply never returned.
You’re here because the love no longer feels like energy—it feels like exhaustion and “hanging on.” You’re done pretending the persistent friction and discord is "normal" or that the slow surrender of your joy is "just a phase." You know, deep down, you've been swallowing your truth to maintain the peace for so long that it’s started to feel like this is “all there is…”
My workbook isn’t a fucking magic potion or some kind of “I promise that it will change overnight” *cue bells and whistles* (which is bullshit by the way), instead, it’s designed to help you ask the only tough questions that matter that matter to you:
- Am I staying out of love for this person or out of a deeply ingrained habit?
- What is the exact, real-world daily mental, emotional and psychological cost for my silence and my self-betrayal?
- Are we both growing, or are we just going through the motions until, what, the end?
This isn't about blame—it's about unflinching honesty. The right partnership can multiply and enhance your life, not drain it or you slowly.
If you are terrified of facing what comes next, you are precisely where the work must begin.
One last question…. “When was the last time I was so happy in this relationship, that I forgot to be sad?”
No judgment. No Bullshit. Stop whispering the truth to yourself. It's time to speak it out loud.
PERSONAL GROWTH
Who the hell are you, really?
Not who others told you to be. Not who you think you should be. But the raw, unfiltered you—the one buried beneath the labels, the expectations, and the stories you’ve been sold.
The one that most likely know the least about.
If you just said, “I know who I am…” Okay, cool. But for the rest of us, the question is, “do I really?”
Who told who you are? When did you last spend real time with yourself evaluating your wants and needs without the noise of external expectations and definitions?
If you’re so very tired of still pretending that you’ve got it all figured out, or if you just know, somehow, that there’s more to you than what you’ve settled for—this may be your wake-up call.
You are exhausted from the performative bullshit. You are tired of being that part of you that everyone else finds comfortable.
This isn't about finding a new role; it's about sitting with yourself in a whole new way and feeing loneliness, fear and obligation in a whole new way.
It’s about being the whole you. The you you’ve buried, ignored, or never even met. Because here’s the truth: You don’t need to be found. You just get to be you—finally.
No spiritual bypassing. No empty affirmations. Just the hard, needed questions, the real answers, and the courage to finally live like you mean it.
So—who are you when no one’s watching?
Think about everything that you’ve tried to “fix” your life.
Did it work?
Is it working?
Has it
ever
worked?
if it hasn’t worked — or isn’t working — if you still feel the gap between where you are and where you want to be....
What if the life that you
truly
desire to live were actually possible?
What if the dreams that you’ve kept, the ones in your heart, in the secret places that no one else knows, could actually come true….
What “if”….